Ugh.

LIFE.

It's killing me.

Week before finals week... CETA (The California Educational Theatre Association) festival/Master classes this entire weekend... AP Music Theory garbage... Spring Awakening's Sunday closing... sickness (cough, exhaustion, congestion, etc. etc)... reviewreviewreview... PMS... costume committee [1950's] research... obvious procrastination... feeling like being a moany bitch, haha.

Blarrrrrrrrggg.
I'm just... so-- ACKSDIUHFMNVJXHD this week. *shrugs* I don't think my energy has ever hit this much of a low before... and I'm not even all too sure why. Hmm. On the upside - however - my missing belt (and I mean VOCAL-wise, not pantaloon-wise, lol) has finally returned after approx. 2 days!! :D THHHHAAAAT, and boys have been strangely lovely towards me lately. One even walked me home today, which... well, never happens.

EVER.
Haha.

........ There was no real purpose in writing entry whatsoever, lulz :P

PS: "Hey, K'nuckles! Wanna play a game? Whoever giggles first, loses! [giggles] You win! Wanna play a bathroom game? Whoever goes to the bathroom first, loses! [pause] You win! Now, how about both? [giggles] You win! [giggles again] You win! [giggles] You win!" FLAPJACK IS OFFICIALLY THE BEST CARTOON IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER. H8RS CN H8, IDC. Lollerskates xD

**I apologize GREATLY in advance for the following vent, for auditions have yet to prove themselves a friend to me recently.

I didn't get my solo for Spring Concert. All of my friends (whom did try out, of course) received their's...

All - except for ME.

... I truly thought I had deserved it. And I'm tired of those who don't accepting them...! Though, perhaps I just wasn't right for this production; true-- I'm utterly glad for all of my buds whom are getting the chance to perform for the first/second time, considering that I had had my own piece during our Winter Concert. It's just--... UGH.

It's still disappointing. Especially when those around you don't care to acknowledge - wrapped up madly within their own contentment - the concept of tears pouring down your face [And yet I KNOW they'd feel the same]. (Yes, I cried. I felt the right to be a bit upset) Indeed, this shall be yet another humbling experience for me and I expect to learn a great deal from said experience; honestly... I don't mean to bitch and moan! I never meant to snap... It merely puts oneself into a dreadful, BEATING sort of mind-set, and-- It just, for lack of a better word, SUCKS. Majorly.

... But you know what? Our Cappies Acomendee/Nominee Ceremony took place this evening (just 2 weeks before the official gala). And you know WHAT?!

I GOT A MEDAL.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, ya'll. XD

Does anyone mind if I vent for a few? You see, I just bought Making it On Broadway: Actor's Tales of Climbing to the Top today, and... it couldn't have opened my eyes, nor inspired me, more. After only finishing the first part - "The Early Years": Singing On the Coffee Table, First Impressions, and Don't You Dare Call My Child a Thespian! - I realized that this is no longer something I want to do.

This is something I have to do.

From reading, yes, I know that it's hard. It's waiting in long lines with others whom share the exact same "pipe-dream" as you. It's finally receiving a number for your audition, say 456, and possibly not even being seen. It's (if you book the role) making $450 a week and struggling to survive just as everyone else! But the challenge has only intrigued me more. Getting the chance to perform eight days a week, for a different audience, doing different things, changing people's lives...

It's all worth it.

It really and truly is. I've never wanted anything so much in my entire life; I think I'm pretty damn good (not to sound big-headed or anything) and I NEED to show the world. Every moment I'm stuck here in California, I swear - every moment I know I can't perform, my soul rots away just a little bit more. Forgive me for seeming melodramatic, but it's the honest-to-God truth. I'm crying no just thinking about it!! I want this all so bad, and... I believe I have the drive. I believe I have the potential. I believe in myself 110%. Sure, I may not have the support of my mother, but... still! I have the support of so many others, and - really, I'll climb mountains for this.

It's... indescribable. And after witnessing the beauty of Spring Awakening, listening to it each day, my passion has only intensified. It's something I want to be a part of, more than anything I've ever known before - New York better brace itself... Broadway better brace itself. Because I won't let anything stand in my way, anyone stand in my way. I want this so much. And I hope each and every one of you on LiveJournal can all support me along the way. Keep in your prayers - I'd greatly appreciate it!

... Sorry. Just felt it was something I needed to release. Thank you all for putting up with me... lol.